The Enigmatic
by wtbb
Summary: Harley Quinn is up against the enigmatic Riddler and his enigmatic puzzles, without her Mr. J to help her out.
1. Chapter 1

The Enigmatic 

"Are you sure? All the times he's deceived people, used... and "who" said it was a street skank?" the Riddler asked slyly, a malicious grin spreading across his face.

"You lied!" Harley glared at him, who didn't reply. "You did! I trust 'im! Aftah all that zombie an' lantahn stuff we went through he would _nevah_ sleep with some street skank!"

"Yes, but I didn't say which club now did I," he interrupted. "... or if you know them, I didn't say it was a stranger, nor were they close." He added. "You should keep your ears alert and mind open," he smirked. "That is, what little mind you do possess."

"Wait... are you sayin' I *know* them?" she asked, confused. "What club? Iceberg? Ho-...no. No: yoah lyin'! I trust Mistah J!"

"If you did then you wouldn't be questioning, would you?" he pointed out, enjoying her distress. .

She didn't reply, just glared and crossed her arms, not answering him and tapping her foot. A few seconds passed before she asked accusingly, "You're enjoying this, aren't yah?"

"I'm very much enjoying this far beyond what I should, but I'll just continue to do it since it brings me such amusement."

"Jus' tell me!" she pleaded desperately, pulling on her pigtails in frustration. Again, he didn't reply, just scraped his cane across the floorboards. Harley rolled her eyes and groaned, "Damn you Eddie. You have to be lyin'. He couldn't have at aaaaaaall. So jus' say tha' punch line."

"Ah, no… it would be no fun without a little mystery. I'm a man of many things, but a liar? I wonder…" he smirked even more broadly. "I bend the truth, not break it. It's very fun; I wish I had a camera right now."

"You bend tha' truth a lot, Eddie. An' this isn't fuuuun! This is serious!" she complained. "Admit it, yah know somethin' fishy!"

"I admit nothing, this is something you'll have to figure on your own," the Riddler replied calmly. "I could be bending, or I could be doing nothing."

"I hate you. Even moah now. Jus' tell me! Yoah obviously "bendin'" the truth. He didn't sleep with someone else!"

"Keep saying that if it helps you believe it. I have all night; I'd like to grab my camera if it's not too much trouble."

"Yoah such an arrogant little- gaaaah!" she pouted, pulling her pigtails again. "Jus' tell meeee!"

"My, my, little child... would you like some cheese and crackers with that whine?" he taunted her mockingly.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Bastard..." Harley facepalmed sarcastically.

The Riddler grinned. "Anything else? I'd think you'd have better- never mind, that's right," he leered at her.

She pivoted and walked away in a huff but soon stopped, dying of curiosity, and skipped back. "Tell me!"

"Do you want to know? Do you _really_ want to know?" he suggested temptingly. "Come closer," he beckoned, gesturing with a raise and tap of his cane.

Harley eyed him suspiciously but walked over closer. "Yes, I really wanna know..."

"Closer... let me whisper it in your ear..."

"Why? No one does that. People only do that foah a trap. I know- I do that," she enquired warily, eyeing him.

"I'm not you, now am I?" he pointed out simply. "If you want to know, you know what you have to do."

"That jus' makes it scariah," she disagreed and watching him, knowing it's a trap but unable to resist, she hesitantly stretched closer to him.

At first he whispered, "I don't give answers, I give the rhymes that don't have THEM!" but he raised his voice before violently bashing her across the face bluntly with his cane. "Now I'm annoyed..."

Thrown to the ground, Harley held her jaw as she death-glared at him. The Riddler just merely laughed and said, "Not a wise clown. You knew that was coming, yet you leaned in anyways. Curiosity killed the clown...in this case, could have."

"You wouldn't kill me," she rebuffed. "But me an' Mistah J're gonna kill yah as slowly as possible now..."

"I've heard that empty threat many times before, along with the other arson of ridiculous threats," he countered, snubbing her comment off.

"Empty?" she asked pointedly, whipping out her gun and aiming it at him. "Lucky yah didn't break my jaw!"

The Prince of Puzzles raised his cane and pressed it into the muzzle of the gun. "Go ahead, it'll be fun," he dared her.

"I can take a hit," she shrugged casually, pulling the gun away from the cane and shooting him in the leg. He fell over and landed on his back before jumping up with ease.

"Good, because I can give one. Tell me, do you like puzzles?" She didn't reply. "Solve this one," he commanded her, reaching into his pocket and flicking several jigsaw puzzle pieces at her feet, before quickly moving back.

"Puzzle pieces? Really?" she asked doubtingly. After seeing him move away quickly, she watched the puzzle pieces, shifting away.

Suddenly, the Riddler flung himself away, shielding his face as the pieces exploded with a thunderous boom, before tipping his hat and breaking into a run.

Thrown back the blast, she yelled, "Coward!" as she glares at his retreating back, her face contorted with cuts, bruises and hatred. "I hate your rules! What's innit foah me?"

The Riddler skidded to a halt at the doorway, lifting the rim of his hat as he turned to Harley. "How about we play a little game then?" he suggested. "My rules, of course."

"You sound like Jigsaw," she wrinkled her face up.

"The rules. You have a time limit, if you fail to guess... you're mine. As in, my prisoner."

"Prisonah? What? What tha hell does that mean?" she interrupted, shocked.

"If you win, I answer your question," he carried on, ignoring her comment.

"You sweaaaah you'll tell me if I win?"

"That's for me to know, you to find out. I'm making the rules here, are you ready to play a little game?"

"All right," she muttered.

"Here is your riddle, think about it. You have sixty seconds, sixty only," he warned her slowly, leaning on his cane. "It can be said: To be gold is to be good; To be stone is to be nothing; To be glass is to be fragile. To be cold is to be cruel. What am I?... your clue is, it's one of the many things your joker fails to possess."

"So somethin' gold, stone, glass an' cold? Um... um.. um... a mirror? Um. Idono! A... uh..." she muttered, panicing. "Somethin' he doesn't have. Bats. Sanity. Supes. . Medusa! Idonoooo!"

He grabbed the back of her neck, bringing the cane around her back slowly as he whispered into her ear, "A heart... you're mine now, clown...," he chuckled harshly, bringing the question mark end of the cane into the base of her skull.

"Cheatah! He does have a heart! Proof is that he loves me!" she argued loudly, trying to push him away.

"You really are hard headed. Let's try this again." He apprehended, and, calmly, he raised his cane above his head and smashed it on her skull again.

She fell with a groan, everything going fuzzy and everything ringing, eyes spinning. She grasped her collar to try and prevent herself from choking; only processing some of what he said.

"Much better," he surveyed her lying on the floor. "But three time's the charm," he decided, giving her another whack across the head, before grabbing her collar and dragging her across the floor. "I see that someone has put on weight, clearly need to lay of the gingerbread houses..."

"Geddof me!" she struggled, kicking out blindly.

"Don't fight me," he snarled lividly. "A deal's a deal. We can make this easy or..." he punched her nose, "...HARD! First things first, we get you a salad..."

"Sa-Sa-Salad?" she choked out.

"Yes, it's what fat people eat when they need to lose weight. You need it," he insulted her as he slammed her up against the wall.

Harley groaned and stuttered out, "Not. Fat." As the Riddler dragged her outside, pulling out his car keys.

"Lucky you. You get to ride in the car," he commented, unlocking his car. Reaching in his trunk, he bought out some rope and started binding her wrists and ankles. "No, you just weight like a cow, but you're skinny."

"HEY! WHAT'RE YOU-? LEMME- HEY! *Struggles in trunk* DAMMIT EDDIE- LEMME GO!" she shrieked, struggling as he bound her.

"A deal's a deal," he reminded her, shoving her head, then body into the car, before slamming the trunk and sliding in the driver's seat.

She hit the side of the trunk and groaned, curling into a ball to be safer as her kidnapper started the car and, hitting the gas, pulling a hard left without any care of her being in the trunk.

Ten minutes later, he was whistling loudly as the car pulled into a lot after a rough, rocky drive. "Ready?" he asked her, unlocking the trunk.

For Harley, everything was spinning as she growled, "_I. Hate. You_."

"You do? Well now, I didn't know such a thing," he said in mock surprise, purposely yanking her out by her pigtail. "Come along, we've got some fun to have now. You're going to be even more upset when you hear this."

Ignoring her yells of pain while he dragged her by the one pigtail to a warehouse, he instead focused on the curses she sent to him loudly the whole way.

"What a colorful vocabulary you have," he commented as he slung her into a chair nailed to the floor. "It's lovely when plans come, isn't it?" he smirked, advancing on her.

She leant back as much as she could away from him. With a low, dark tone accompanied by a glare, she asked, "What're you gonna do tah me...?"

"First, what people were too stupid to do from the get-go," he started, grabbing a roll of duct tape, ripping a piece off and slapping it on her lips.

"MMMRNMRFMRMMRNRMNRFF!" she struggled and glared at him, growling loudly.

"Let's just fix this," he said, unwrapping the roll a bit. He started to tape her again, moving in a circle around her, binding her whole mouth. She yelled and cursed more, muffled, and struggled even more, trying to head butt him.

Thumping her across the head with his palm, he grabbed the rope on a work bench and bound her to the chair. He then reached and started to rig a trap. Carefully taking some spring pliers, he placed it open around one finger and rigged them to spring closed if she struggled.

"Now, I'd hate you lose that finger. You wouldn't be able to send me a lovely a bird when you get furious with me," he threatened sleekly. Her eyes grew wide and she froze, glaring at him with her bright blue eyes.

"Mmf mafe mooh," she grumbled, stifled by the duct tape.

"Shall I take the tape off, maybe set one for your tongue? It would be good for the rest of us, shame for the joker." She fell silent, just glaring at him.

"I thought so. Very wise decision." The Riddler grinned, holding his cane as he walked around her. Her eyes tracked his movements with a steady glare. "I should thank you. You just gave me an idea for Christmas, a very brilliant one," he smirked, tapping his chin.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, abandoning her flare. _What's he gonna do?_ She thought._ I won't be here till Christmas. J will come._

"Don't worry, it's not for you. A little something for someone else," he assured her wickedly, speaking almost as if he could read her mind (but couldn't).

She glared even more. _Frickin' smart guy,_ she thought angrily. _Frickin' face reader guy. Like he can read minds_... _Ha!_

I bet you hate me a lot right now," he guessed from the look on her face. "Good. It's more fun for me," he said, tapping her with his cane. "Oh, I have another surprise for you..."

She twitched in anger and growled when he touched her, arching a brow at his statement.

"Feisty. Kitten has claws. Leave that job to Catwoman, she does it better," he remarked. Reaching up, he clicked on the lights, showing in front of her was a large dog, eyes bloodshot, foaming at the mouth. "A little something I found today, he's part of one of my - puzzles."

Harley started to scream, still muffled by the tape.

"Did I mention he doesn't like noise?" he asked with fake wonderment, as she shut up immediately, her eyes still screaming. "Oooh... shoot, his chains pretty long. Oh well."

As he surveyed her frozen stiff, wishing to scream, shoot, run, kick, yell, he whistled softly, twirling his cane. "I'm not stupid, just a little incentive to behave. What's the worst that could happen?" he asked, kneeling in front of her and taking her chin in his hands. "You could struggle... lose a finger... dog could smell the blood and go for a kill move... – well, try not to think about it."

She didn't move or speak, just glared at him more. Harley wanted to punch him so badly – _he's so close to punch, _she thought. _Damn pliers._

"I'm not sure what's better. This, or a batman scandal," he chuckled. "You know, ever since I took back my reign after the – incident with Ivy...I'm feeling more lucky. Are you feeling lucky?"

She glared at him, blinking furiously.

"I didn't think so... night, night. I got a meeting with- another clown. One that when I'm through with, will think you left him because of recent... thoughts of him cheating."

He ripped of some of her shirt before heading out the door and slamming it shut. "Night night!" he yelled back.

_HE CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! _She thought desperately, freaking out. _NOT WITH THE DOG AND THE ROPES AND THE PLIERS! _She looked in fear at the rabid dog. _Mistah J won't believe him_, she reassured herself. _BUT HE CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE_.

Harley groaned in pain as she slowly woke up from managing to sleep a little in her tied up position. _That frickin' bastard... left me. At least the dog is asleep. _

She yawned and tried to stir before quickly remembering what would happen if she moved. She surveyed the area around her. Darkness. A rabid dog. Pliers ready to get of her finger if she moved. Tape and rope. Unknown location.

_This. SUCKS!_

_What time is it? A warehouse with no windows, c'mon! GrrrGAAAH! I'm gonna skin Eddie alive chop 'im tur bits! _She thought furiously.

She groans again in pain, her arms cramped and cracks in her neck. "Mmmrnfgh!" she mumbles. Hearing the dog stir, she "mmrfs"ed in shock. Moaning pathetically, she let her head hang, her eyes red from the suffering of hungry, thirst and fatigue.

_Where. The Hell. Is he? _She thought with a mixture of rage and hysteria. She screamed a muffled scream and the dog growled, edging nearer to her.

She desperately tried to cheer herself up by thinking of every possible way she could maim or kill the Riddler using a huge mixture of way – some including several of the traps from Saw, and the massive dog in front of her. Before long, she had 200 and was running out of ideas.

She retried by wondering how much the Joker was missing her. _Puddin' must be worried stiff about me... aw... must be freakin' out and searchin'... _she assured herself. _When he finds Eddie he's gonna be sooo mad. _

Harley spent the next even-God-wouldn't-know-how-long hours dreaming of more ways she could maim or kill the Riddler (she got up to over a thousand) and how she and the Joker were going to celebrate when he rescued her when she started wondering what time it was.

_I think it's night_, she decided. _Bastard never came today. I. Am. STARVING. God I can't wait to shoot him a billion times_, she fumed again, cracking her neck. The dog growled warningly. _Gonna shoot this rabid dog too_, she thought. _Mean I can handle, but rabid? Gonna kill it. I hate rope, _she sighed. _And duct tape. _

Suddenly, the door slammed open and a blindingly bright light suddenly lit up the area. Harley kept her eyes shut and cringed away from the light as the Riddler walked in with a tray and slammed it down on a nearby counter that she hadn't seen before. When she opened her eyes fully a moment later, she glared at him with all her power.

"Glaring will do nothing for you. Are you hungry?" he asked, lifting the tray and revealing a salad, carrot sticks and a carton of milk.

She gave him a "No shit, Sherlock," look and mumbled though her tape, her eyes look cravingly at the food.

"Let's try not to be loud. It might end bad," he told her and, without mercy, started to roughly rip the tape off.

"Ahhh," she sighs, flexing her face. "I'm going to hammer your bones to dust and tear you into hyena chow..."

"I'd watch what you say. Doggie over here just might be hungry, and I'm in quite the mood for riddles."

"We are gonna kill you so slowly as soon as we can. Dip you in acid..." she started, before looking at the food. "Hands?"

"Make sure it's green, I oh so love that color. Do I look that stupid?" he asked sarcastically. He instead grabbed a forkful and offered it to her.

"...I hate you," she repeated. She glared yet again for a moment before taking the food, chewing it angrily.

"That's right, but you ate it. Riddle me this: At night they come without being fetched, And by day they are lost without being stolen," he riddled, pulling back the fork.

"That's cause you've been starving me! Hey what tha-? I feel like yoah drillin' me tah steal me as a henchie like did tah Dee. Stars! Stars? Gimme food!"

"Very good, stars," he snapped. Fuming, he stabbed her hand with the fork, before yanking it out again and offering more food.

Harley let out a loud, hoarse yell as a result from the stabbing; eyes wide. "OW! Shiiiit!" she cursed and tried to look down at her hand. The dog snapped, lunging forward as the Riddler quickly moves out the way.

"EEEEP!" she squealed, leaning as far away from the dog as possible.

"Down, boy!" he ordered sharply. The dog growled and moved back as he moves also, offering Harley more food.

She slowly eats the food again, watching him suspicious the whole few seconds, then swallows. "Hey, riddle me this, losah –,"

"There will be no riddling on your part, sad to say," he interrupted, shoving a huge forkful of between her lips. She glared angrily and chewed just as much. Her stomach rumbled, the light food not filling her up at all.

"Still hungry? Here have a carrot..." he offered, jamming a few in her mouth, before rolling on his chair to a corner of the warehouse and grabbing something.

"Why're doin' this? Entertainment? Oh look what tha losah Eddie did tah Jokah's girl," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"I saw a great opportunity that I couldn't pass up," he explained, rolling back. "See, I made a deal... but I didn't say what it included."

"What else're yah gonna do? You've had yoah fun, you've showed yoah worth! Ha ha, game ovah! Run while yah can."

"I'm not running, there is nothing to run from. You're going to help me... give something back to a dear friend of yours."

"Run from me an' Mistah J. An' give somethin' back...? Tah who? I sweah if you greenify me..." she said slowly, eyeing him.

"I've no use for you, I'd rather not have a used up clown for a hench girl. Ivy... a little something for her stunt. I can't get close to her. She would simply slip me under her power. I'm not in a mood to do the dirty work, so you will."

"I haven't seen Red in ages, no idea where she is. An' I won't do anythin' bad to 'er," she declined, offended by what he said.

"You're a filthy liar, liar I say," he accused her. "If you wish to walk out of here, intact... you will."

"I haven't seen 'er! No idea if she's even in Gotham! An' tha worse yah do tah me tha double you'll get back at you..."

"Is that possible? I mean... say if you were, oh let's say.. dead. How would I get it back worse? Just saying, that's all."

"You wouldn't kill me," she rebuffed. "An' thea's worse than death. Don't cha watch the Mummy?"

"I've seen it, however... if you expect me to believe a clown version of Hush will come after me, no go."

"Worse than Hush..." she menaced, before realizing that she was thirsty. "Gimme milk."

"I doubt that. And before milk, first you agree to the terms..."

"Idono where she iiiis!" she coughed from a parched throat.

"STOP LYING!" he hollered, slamming his fist onto the counter, cracking the top in half and knocking the empty tray to the floor.

"I'm noooot!" she argued. "Aftah all this I wouldn't lie yah dumbass..." she coughed. "She doesn't call me anymoah... Gimme milk!"

"Then you're going to get in contact with her then, aren't you?" he ensured, holding the milk just out of her reach.

"I'll try," she assured him. She stretched forward but, remembering the trap on her finger, stops, afraid to move too much.

"Good clown," he pushed the carton to her lips.

She glared and took three big gulps, sighing. "Yay. Yah know my joints're probably frozen stiff from 2 DAYS in this."

"Well, you're going to be staying like this for now," he told her, scooting back again. "You're going to locate Ivy, bring her to me."

"Yes, cause I c'n locate her without movin' from heah," she said flatly. I'm Emma Frost. Lemme go! We made a deal... I keep deals."

"What was that? No, deal's a deal," he refused. "You're my prisoner until the deed is done. I'll give you everything you need. When the time comes, _then_ we'll move."

"Put a beepin' trackah on me! I'll do it! I give ya my word!" she pleaded.

He lunged forward, grabbing her throat. "Tell me, do you know what happens to a rock when's it thrown into a river?" he laughed loudly.

"Gahk!" she choked. "Dah-dahpends," she coughed, managing a smile and a giggle.

"What does it do, Quinn? Answer the riddle!" he growled, tightening his grip.

Head going light, she choked," Sk- sk- *cough cough* ips."

"WRONG... it sinks... the rock sinks," he scowled, ripping his hand away. Hand on his chin, he stood up and starting pacing. "Hmm..."

Harley coughed and cursed him colorfully under her breath. "If yah throw it right it skips. Flawed. Some float too."

"I was looking for sink, now shut up!" he barked, his eyes blazing as he paced, hands shaking slightly as he blurted out, "I have plans!"

"Maybe it won't be flawed? What'm I sayin'? Coase it will be. If yah can't get a decent solid riddle heah. No variables. Bat's'll have yoah ass in Arkham in a sec. No glory foah you. I'll throw volcanic rocks at you- they float."

"The bat, I'll get him alright.. it'll be easy as well. Don't you worry, I have plans for the bat. Very soon. Shut up, clown."

"Yoah jus' mad I outsmarted youuuuu!" she giggled, all sing-song for the first time in days.

"I said... SHUT UP!" he roared, backing-handing her across the face before fumbling through the drawer for the tape.

"Jealous! Jealous! Jeaaalous! Gimme anotha- I'll find tha loophole. Wow, if I can AAANYONE can! What a fail. Idiot."

"No, they can't. You did nothing, but made an idiot of yourself. You were thinking too open minded. I was looking for a simple answer. Not a barrage of options, or what it could or couldn't do. Now, tape... AH HA!" he said, and started to tape her mouth again, very tight.

"- MMRNFMMRNFMNFMM!" she yelled before he taped her mouth.

"All I heard was, blah, blah, blah," he said, tapping his chin as he circled the room.. "The Joker is going to want to see me tonight, bet."

"Mmummn?" Harley mumbled optimistically, elated at his name.

"I'll set my plan in motion, when he thinks you're gone. Then we can move to phase B, Ivy. I need him off my back first."

"Mmymmarmminmm? Mmaemm. Mremmommemeemoo," she tried to say. She instead looked away from him and contorted her face, annoyed by the tight tape.

Making up his mind, he walked forward, grabbing a rag. Quickly approaching her, he started to scrub her face, cleaning off the make-up.

"Mm! MMNR! Mmnrmf?"

"Better. Now I can actually see you..." he said, dropping the white-and-black covered rag to the floor. "You're going to behave tonight, or when I get back? Trouble."

"Mmrnfmm? Mnmrmfnmemrmfn!" she mumbled with what-else-can-I-do? – face.

"Keep that in mind. I'll be seeing you later," he said, before striding across the room and out the door, slamming the door hard, as Harley screamed a muffled scream.

"MMMRNFMNGHEMRNMNNREMSMMFMM!" she tried to yell though the tape, before slumping back in her chair, glum at the prospect of spending another night – or was it day? Harley didn't know – with no one but the dog.

To try and pass the time, she tried to vision how the Joker would react to whatever he found out or was told. _Puddin' won't buy it, _she decided._ An' why's he targeting me? Me, Red and J? Why? See no point. Nothin' will go like he wants, duh. _She sighed as her tummy rumbled again._ I want foood! _

The next morning, she was awoken by a rough shake.

"Wake up, clown. We got arrangements to make. Work to do," the Riddler said urgently, shaking her harder.

"Mmrmnmmmm!" she complained, opening one eyes and glaring at him. "Mmn mmoo."

"That's a girl... sleepy head," he said a little fondly, unbinding her legs from the chair, but still tied together. She instantly kicked her legs up, aiming for his face, kicking all the way up.

Sliding his cane under her legs with force, he knocked them up as to send her flipping over on his face, barley dodging.

"Mmenff! Mmnrmnmrnrm!" she yelled, keeping trying to swing her legs and kick him.

"Well now, let's see how fast you run with your legs tied in a locked room," he said, releasing the dog from his post.

She lets out a loud muffled scream and brings her knees up to shield her face. _I miss Bud and Looooou!_ She mopes in her head.

"Now, are you to behave? You want to go, right? Get me what I want. You're free to leave after I get her. Let's go. No funny business; got it?" he warned her, roughly grabbing her arm and dragging her towards the door.

He unlocked the door and asked, "Ready?"

She squinted, overpowered by the bright sun. "Mmmrnmm..."

He quickly yanked her out, heading around the back. He walked towards a nearby payphone with Harley, grumbling and cursing at him beneath the tape, in hand. Approaching the phone, he pulls off the tape from her mouth.

"Now, call Ivy. You're to tell her you really need to see her. You have exciting news, or what you want. Tell her to meet you at the docks. When I get the girl, you get freedom."

She flexed her face and glared at him. "Hate you. Idiot." She looked at the phone. "Um..."

"Just a couple of steps away from freedom. Do it."

She rolled her eyes and dialled the number. While she was waiting for her to pick up, she thought _Should I jus' yell an' she'll come an' get me? Hm..._but her thought was interrupted by the Riddler slowly pressing his cane into her back.

"Oh, and I almost forgot... Don' try it, unless you want this to end bad..." he said softly.

"...Harley, is that you?" Poison Ivy asked. "You're the only one who calls me on this blasted thing."

"Duh! Reeeeeeeeeeed! Hiiiiii! I've missed yoooou! Whea yah been?" she squealed, speaking quicker than usual.

"Warming my leaves. Back for the winter, though. Harl, are you free to shop soon? It's our season," Ivy smirked.

"Totes. But I gotta give you yoah present fiiirst! I've been holdin' on to it an' I don't want it tah die on me. Got it from a mutual friend of oahs. I sweah that thing dyin' befoah you get it scares me like bein' *tied up* an' *tortcha'd*."

"I see. Very well, come on over, we'll chat. I'll even make you some hot chocolate or some sort of festivity."

"Poison Ivy? Celebrating *Christmas*?" she giggled. "Yoah prezzy doesn't like indoahs. Plus I'm at tha docks, too far away. I'm lazy heh."

"Indeed it is. Alright. I suppose I can stop by. Should I bring a leash and whip?"

"Bring ev'rythin' foah tha *greenest* of plants yah c'n think of. Thea extra feisty when pretty, huh? Heh."

"I know exactly the thing, Harley. They're hungry too. Are you expecting other guests tonight?"

"Prob. Idono, life's all outta control an' stuff 'round tha holidays. I sweah, thea's still people trickin' an' not treatin'."

"Yes the bats and masks are still out I see. Alright, I'll be there with your present. Should be a hit."

At that moment, the Riddler gives her a small whack with his cane, impatient with all their talking, to wrap up the conversation.

"Grrrr! I swear I'm gonna –" she snarled quietly at him.

"Wrap it up, I don't have all day... well I do, but you get it," he whispered impatiently back.

"Girls talk a lot!" she whispered back to him. "Love yah, Red! Bye-ey!" she replied before hanging up the phone and glaring at the Riddler.

"Your mouth is too big, learn to shut it!"

"Yoah ego is too big. An' hey, me? At the docks? That makes no sense without good actin'!"

"Lets go, captive. News flash also, I'd hate to be the guy who hired you," he yanked her towards a nearby waiting car.

"Yeah yeah, shut up. Save yoah breaths foah yah last one," she muttered, struggling as he dragged her. He gave a hard shove into the passenger seat and slams the door.

"Oh, and by da way, what did ya do tah my Puddin'?" she asked him as he slid into the driver's seat.

"What? He's fine, I did nothing... just told him you ran away," he smirked as the car headed to the docks.

"What'd he say? Didn't buy it, duh. He knows me bettah."

"He did actually, went off in search for you," he replied, pulling the car into the docks.

"He did?" she asked. "Aw, that's so sweet. He misses me, aw that's so cute!" she sighed, smiling for the first time in days. To spoil her mood, the Riddler shoved her out the car.

He steered her through the cars to the docks, avoiding certain areas. When they finally arrived at his chosen destination in a small isolated building, he tapped his hat with his cane a smirk on his face.

"...What are ya smilin' foah?" Harley asked suspiciously, watching him closely. "And where are we?"

"Just remain quiet please, you shall see very quickly," he told her, gesturing at the ground where, resting, was a sheet of paper.

She looked and arched a brow. "What? Bombs oah somethin'? What?"

"Just watch. Now be quiet!" he snapped.

"Oh, Harley!" they heard Ivy call. The Riddler quickly covered Harley's mouth and dragged her into the shadows of the room.

Ivy opened the door and peaked inside. She furrowed her eyebrows and slipped inside. They both patiently waited for her to notice the paper waiting on the floor.

"Hm?" Ivy asked, spotting the piece of paper. She picked it up and began to read, "Many things can create one. It can be of any shape or size. It is created for various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?" she sighed, guessing who the riddle was from. "Oh please Eddie, not this."

He said nothing, still remaining in the shadows, waiting for her to attempt to create a solution for the riddle.

"I don't know; a tree?" she guessed randomly.

"Incorrect, you know the game, Ivy," he grinned, stepping forth from the shadows with a tap of his cane, shoving Harley to the floor.

"Oh please, Eddie. Where's Harle-!" she started to say, when the floor opened and she fell though the hole.

"It's a deep hole, watch your landing, Ivy!" he chuckled, waving, as an angry scream echoed in the room, before silence. "Ah, you have to love it when people don't watch where they step... pity."

"Ivy!" Harley gasped, still sprawled on the floor. "I'm gonna kill you, Eddie. What're you gonna do tah her?" She started trying to crawl towards the hole, but the Riddler kicked her and she fell again, slumped: covered in dirt, pigtails and boot laces unravelling, unconscious.

The next thing Harley knew, it was nightfall. Her eyes, swirling from rousing from her unconscious state, took some time to adjust, when she realized she was on Duggan Alley, a road in which one of the Joker's old hideouts was on.

She managed to rise from her uncomfortable position on the floor and noticed her bindings where unbound, although she had tight red marks around her wrists. Her hair was chaotic fuzz of blonde, she had several red welts and a mixture of purple, black and yellow splotchy bruises on her arms, legs and (although she couldn't see) most likely on her face too.

She stretched as she rose; her arms and legs feeling like they would drop out of their sockets without difficulty. She surveyed her body, noticing the bruises, the fact she only had one shoe, her mostly ripped dress and a long scratch on her leg.

"Bastard," she mumbled hazily, but her mind was so murky and clouded over the only thing she was able to do was drag herself to the hideout and mumbled, "Home... yay," before collapsing on the sofa, Bud and Lou licking her happily.


	2. Chapter 2

**They're not really linked... I just couldnt be arsed to make a new story.**

* * *

><p>Harley Quinn had just flung herself onto her couch when a sharp knocking on the door attracted her attention, along with the call of, "Open up."<p>

"Huh?" she said, wondering who the hell would call that late at night. Remembering she'd ordered pizza, she wandered over the door, but left it locked. "…pizza?"

"You wish," a mocking voice replied. "Open the door. I'm here to see Joker. Guessed who it is yet?"

"Is it _good _Eddiekins oah _bad _Eddiekins?"

"How about an Eddiekins who will smack you with the cane if you don't open the door? Does that answer your question?"

"Always actin' like a big man," she scoffed, before giggling and opened the door. "Awww! Whea's tha pizza?

"I didn't bring any. I already ate," he told her, pushing past her as he walked in.

"Well I haven't!" she made a face at him and skipped in front.

"Good for you," he snorted from under his hat, which was tipped down over his face. "So, where is the big man?"

"Why? Need somethin'?" she asked, leaning against the sofa.

"Obviously. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

She ran over to him and snatched his hat away, asking, "Whatcha need?" as she backed away quickly, putting it on.

He walked over to her and yanked it off her head, giving her a small whack with his cane as he put it back on his head. "Don't."

"Ow..." she rubbed her head and stuck her tongue out at him. "Anything that involves him involves me! Tell me! An' watch tha cane."

"It doesn't involve you, Harley. So just tell him I'm here."

"No. I'd keep that in your mouth if I were you. I know someone who lives in the sewer that just _loves_ tongue."

Harley giggled. "…that sounded _so_ wrong... I'm gonna need some brain bleach foah that one." She shuddered.

"Yes, that didn't come out right. Either way, you got the drift. Actually, come closer. I'd love to tell you."

"Tell me what?" she asked suspiciously, remembering the last time he'd asked her to come closer.

"Just come closer. I can't say it out loud. It's top secret," he egged her on persuasively.

"_Right_," she laughed at him. "Las' time I fell foah that it ended _very _badly for me. No thankies. Lemme see yoah cane!"

He glared at her. "That's because I needed something from you and, no. Don't touch my cane."

"I won't do nothin'! Lemme see tha cane! Please?"

"Why do you want my cane so bad?"

"Cause I like playing with it an' I'm boahed! Plus, it looks new. Is it new?

"No, it's not new, I cleaned it. Although the bat family sure _loves_ trying to break it."

"Lemme see!" she whined childishly, lunging for it. The Riddler yanked it back at the last second, hoping she'd fall on her face with a huge smirk on his, but she managed to catch herself before falling.

"C'mon! Don't be such a sour spoaht! Weah friends!" She lunged again.

"Work for it, work for it. Go on, good Harley," he chuckled, yanking it around as she tried to grab it from him.

She growled slightly and glared at him, annoyed. "Hmph!" she pouted, crossing her arms. "Fine. But i won't tell Mistah J 'bout you."

"I should come here for entertainment more often," he commented. "You amuse me at times. AT times. Not all the time."

"I'd say tha same but yoah jus' annoying," she snapped irritably.

"Good. That's just what I aim for. Now you, you little one-woman freak show, will tell your 'Mr. J' that I dropped by," he ordered her, lifting her chin with the question mark at the end of his cane. "_Or_… you and my dog – you'll remember him, you met him last time we… let's just say _crossed _paths." She squeaked in fright. "Will also cross paths. Okay, Harley?"

"Yessir," she whimpered.

"Good girl," he smirked, before moving the question mark to her chest and shoving her to the floor. "I'll see you around, _Quinn_… and you'll just have to hope my dog doesn't see you either," he laughed manically as he slammed her door.


End file.
